Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
