I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
