You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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