Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
