I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
