chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
