He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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