She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
