You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
