Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
