I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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