i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
