He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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