DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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