Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
