Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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