don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
