Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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