if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
