I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have fence marks all over my body
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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