It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
