Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just told the bartender to βgive me something that will murder meβ
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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