no, he came in my armpit
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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