hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
