C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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