"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
