and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
