One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
