Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
