I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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