My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
