dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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