Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
