Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
