I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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