i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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