He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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