everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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