This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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