If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I did not marry a roomba.
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