i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
