Sry I called you an 8
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
