I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
