dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
