I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Congratulations! We have a period
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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