My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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