I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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