Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
