with your own penis?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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