I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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