Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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