mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
