I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
