the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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