oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
