The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
