It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this will be a night to untag.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
