I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
