We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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