Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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