What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
