her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
