My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
