I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
