There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
