Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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