I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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