DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
