Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I met the friendliest cop last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
