You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
