no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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