What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
