um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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