mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
