I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
