Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize