How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
