I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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